20yearolds are at an awkward stage in life. We're the young adults. The future generation they spoke of. Our whole life ahead of us. Ok, maybe like 4/5ths.
We're moving past the relationships (<3)) we had as children and moving into the interesting world of dating and seriousness. Relationships that involve more than standing awkwardly side by side in a gym/cafeteria with the lights on dim and a DJ and telling each other - in detail - what they did that day.
So, um, today, this morning, like I um, woke up right? (No!) And then, like Amy called and I was like Amy gurrrrrl how you livin'? Right? (Are you sure this happened honey?) And the like my mom drove me to school and i was like sad or something because we ran out of frosty mini wheats (Dayum, I was hoping you'd bring some) but then I like saw you and it totally cleared away.... And this was all before home room.
And yet this stage of our lives still hangs on to the feelings developed during these relationships. I'll admit that sometimes these relationships turn into sweet stories that are more a coming of age tale than anything. That is of course if we forget that the "coming of age" construct is a relatively recent one.
I've seen children say I love you and mean it.
I've seen adults say I love you and lie through their teeth.
My problem is that it gets in the way. It stops people from seeking perfectly happy solutions to problems that shouldn't even be there. A healthy budding relationship has been cut short because "there's this thing with a guy/girl from back home". A THING?
A person you see two, maybe three times a year, whom with there is no formal relationship, whom with there is always an awkward moment when you greet because you dont know if you can/should go in for the kill, is not a thing.
My dear friends, what's difficult for me to understand or explain is how you could still think you are in love with someone who no longer exists. These are the years of revelations and epiphanies. That person is not the same from back then.
I fly with carry-on only.
Diego,
ReplyDeleteYou are right - people have strange emotional baggage that makes no logical sense (especially when it comes to first love). People get twisted and caught in the web of pain, joy, anguish, angst, lust, and love of that one back home. It may not even be a healthy relationship - and both parties might know it.
Here's the thing though: any emotional hangup is deeply embedded. It would be great if we could decide, based on the logic of the situation, to just drop the baggage and go carry-on. The problem is as much as we would like to think our logic drives our emotion, far more often it is our emotion that drives our actions, and then our logic that justifies it. Getting over someone back home unfortunately isn't just a light switch to flip on and off.
So here's your challenge as a baggage-free flyer (though I do think we all have emotional baggage, and if we don't, it's our lack of emotions that is our baggage): people's illogical emotional hangups are everywhere and they aren't letting go. 1) Is it possible for you to help someone get over their baggage? 2) If you could, is it worth the time, effort, and options forgone to do it? And 3) Even if you wanted to, how would you do it?
There's a fork in the road. I wish it weren't there. I wish I could tell it to go away. I want to yell at it. But it's there. And it's my fork to conquer.
i love the preteen dialogue - particularly the use of "dayum" and "gurrrrrl".
ReplyDeletecoming of age ftw.
I'm not sure if I find it possible for people to be completely baggage free - to that end, should we want people to be? Past experiences have the ability to positively(though that's relative...) shape future decisions.
I suppose the best make of an inevitable(if we are operating under that assumption) situation would be one in which there's the understanding that emotional attachments of past relationships cannot be completely contained. Instead they are manageable, balancing bits of experience tossed into the equation - that must be dealt with. Knowing that they will be always be there in some form would allow individuals to be cognizant of their often-hidden potential effects - and work around them.
ha. i just got it. emotional baggage. not quite enough room in the overhead compartment
ReplyDelete-LT