Cempazuchitl

Picture a small island in the middle of lake. The water is still - surrounded by small mountains. The port is teeming with people holding lit candles. The mass starts trudging collectively towards the top in the sinewy and poorly crafted swirling path the local government has fashioned. The summit is a merely a couple of hundred meters away. There's low singing that sounds more like ululation's, there's cempazuchitl everywhere and prayer. Lots of prayer.

Mexicans have a tradition of playing a staring game with death. Look it in the eye, laugh about it and acknowledge the finality in it. It might be our religion. At least that tells us that when we die we go where we deserve to go. A one way ticket to custom (read: purgatory) and then it's either heaven or one of the seven hells. If you've got the cash you also get a satin lined oak box to lie dormant for the rest of eternity. I'm hoping for cremation.

Friends and family gather around the deceased for nine days - a novenario - working their way through rosaries, stories and food. The family doesn't grieve alone. It's a community thing. It reminds me of sitting shiva.

It makes me wonder if what I know and how I was brought up is reflected with the way I deal with death. My first instinct is to hug those that are facing it - personally or vicariously. I don't talk about the emotions I experience but I hear it helps other do just that. I can help by listening or distracting and I believe I am exceedingly good at both though there are obvious areas of improvement. It makes me hope that some Hollywood writer will someday write the perfect script for the things that need to be said and the things that are better left to sound out in an empty room.

The easiest way to help is to know the person that needs the help. It might be that it's your freshman year of college and you know they'll want saltines and a kit kat because there's a wild fire raging through their state and though they will never talk about it, they'll walk into your embrace because you are the only human being out there who knows they need it. It might just be that they'll txt or bbm you the right combination of 2 or 3 words when you need it most.

In live we have the unique opportunity of facing death in the company of our friends.

In death we stand alone.